Dating in China

This week I went to my first Chinese wedding.  Before I write about the wedding I'm going to write a bit about dating and marriage in China.  It is something that probably fascinates me the most right now because it is vastly different than our Western way of dating and getting married.

The actual act of dating is similar.  They have blind dates, they meet people online, they even have a day dedicated to singles (See picture above.  Singles day is always on 11/11).

The part that's different is what they're looking for in their future spouse.  One of my Chinese friends summed it up: 'In other countries love is enough.  In China love is not enough'.  So what is important?  A good job and money. My friend is actually in love with her boyfriend.  I've found this to be rare. I don't usually see the love in someone's eyes when they talk about their boyfriend or husband.  But with her I see it.  The problem is her parents don't like him because he doesn't make enough money.  She says they will never get married because he will probably never make enough money.  In fact her parents don't know she is still with her boyfriend. 

I don't talk to many guys but during one of my classes with my private student who is 24, we got into a nice discussion about what he was looking for.    He said he wants 'real, tender, romantic love'.  So, he doesn't mind waiting till he's 30 to get married.   It was sweet.  I don't hear many girls talk like that.  They are so desperate to get married by the time their 25.  God forbid they don't find anyone by 28.   It's hard for some to believe I'm 31 and don't even have a boyfriend.  I guess I don't have to say I feel old here. 

My first Chinese Thanksgiving

This is Thanksgiving last year.  Looks like a mix of emotions at the table.

It was a bit strange to spend Thanksgiving in China.  They don't really have anything like it except for Chinese New Years which seems to encompass all of our Western holidays.  I don't think they quite get the concept of Thanksgiving.  Our Chinese teachers told the students to write something on a post it and stick it on the wall by the elevators.  They didn't tell them to write what they are thankful for but rather to write a note to someone they're thankful for.

It made me realize that we really don't do that on Thanksgiving.  We say what we're thankful for but we don't necessarily thank people. Maybe thanking people is something we should start.

I am thankful for so many things this Thanksgiving. Last Thanksgiving I never could have imagined I would be in China this year.  I'm very grateful that I never know where my life is taking me.  I've had experiences not many people get to have.  I'm thankful for all the people I've met from all over the world - China, the Philippines, England, Australia, Ireland, South Africa, and the United States. I've learned and gotten a different perspectives of the world from all of them. 

I am incredibly thankful for my supportive friends and family.  I've said it before but I never could have done this without them.    I miss them more than they know.  I am also thankful for all the care packages and emails.   Life savers!

On Thanksgiving I canceled my classes and decided to treat it like a real Thanksgiving -trying not to do much.  First, I went to KTV (karaoke) with some of the Chinese teachers from school - ok so that's not like a real Thanksgiving but somehow in China it seems appropriate.  After that we had a Thanksgiving dinner at an Italian restaurant owned by a Japanese man.  It was actually really good.  The only trace of China in the meal was dessert.  It was a fruit pizza. Yep crust, apples, and cheese.  It was good but a very disappointing Thanksgiving dessert.  Luckily I know a place that has pumpkin pie so I think I will stop by for a slice this week. 

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Thanks Mom!

When my mom sent me medicine she put a bunch of fun things in the box that I would never think of asking for.  A huge bag of styrofoam letters kept my students busy for nearly an hour on Friday.  I had them make food words.  I really like brainstorming because I'm always surprised by their vocabulary.  Rachel spelled sashimi, sushi, chicken curry, naan bread, and cabbage.  The Chinese teacher didn't even know a couple of the words.

Getting sick in China

2 weeks ago I made my first trip to a Chinese hospital.   I knew this day would be inevitable but I had still been dreading it.   In China when you need to see a doctor you go straight to the hospital and not to a doctor's office.  One of the staff members from work took me.

First you fill out a little booklet with your name and age, and pay $.35 for the initial meeting with the doctor.

The doctor is in an office at a desk waiting for people to stop by with problems or test results.  When she's not seeing patients she's reading a newspaper.
She said I needed a blood test and a chest x-ray.  First we had to pre-pay for the tests.  It was $2.50 for the blood test and $4.50 for the x-ray.   We went and got both tests done, waited for blood test results and the x-ray, and brought them back to her for a diagnosis.  From the blood test she could tell I had an infection.  She kind of winced when she looked at my x-ray but said my lungs were ok.  (I got to keep my x-ray.)

My throat was red and inflamed.  I was told to rest, not to drink alcohol, not to eat spicy foods, and of course to drink ONLY hot water.  They gave me 6 pills - 2 a day - to get rid of the infection.  If the pills didn't take care of it then an injection / drip was next.   She wrote everything in my little booklet:

The hospital was not bad at all.  There was someone smoking in the hall (typical Chinese) while we were waiting to get my X-ray so I was coughing a lot.  But there weren't any patients around with blood oozing or people dying in the hallway.  Overall it seemed as clean as I would expect in a Chinese hospital. 

Unfortunately the medicine didn't work and I still missed an entire weekend of work.  I decided to self diagnose and I think I have bronchitis.  Now I feel a bit better, my chest doesn't hurt, I can breath, and I'm able to sleep for the entire night.  My mom sent me some good old western drugs and I hope they are slowly getting rid of my cough. 

I didn't notice this girl when I was taking the pictures of the hospital.  From looking at her you would think it was a really cold day but it was 50 degrees. 

Burning money for the dead

Often the Chinese burn fake money for their deceased. Apparently it is done a few times a year because this is the 2nd time I've seen them do it in the past 8 months.  The first time was for Tomb Sweeping Day when they clean up the tombs of their deceased and burn fake money.  Burning fake money is done so their relatives will have money in the afterlife.

My roommate saw a vendor selling fake US dollars.  He asked what it was for and she responded that it was for the overseas Chinese.  Apparently the Chinese who have passed away in the US can't spend the RMB that's burned for them in China - they need US dollars to spend in the after life. 

Xi'an Metro

About a month ago the Xi'an Metro opened!  So far only the north / south line is open but it's convenient for me when I'm at Chinese class and need to go inside the wall to the center of the city.  It was weird riding a subway here because I'm used to the crowded / old buses.  It feels like a real city now. 

Here's a video I took - it's actually less crowded then the buses.  I mostly took this video for the awesome guy with the earrings and glasses in front of me.

A sad story...

Right now a big story in China is about a 2 year old girl who died after she was run over twice.  18 pedestrians walked by before someone helped. 

Overall I've noticed that the Chinese are not likely to help other people in situations like these.  Before this happened I'd talked about this exact thing with someone who's been here for a while and he pointed out that they're so close to their families but wouldn't help someone bleeding on the street. When you're living in a country with a population of 1.3 billion people is it easier to turn your head?  I suppose you have to put yourself and family first.

For this story 2 obvious groups have formed.  One group is upset that no one would stop to help and let an innocent little girl die. The other group admits they would not have stopped either.  There was a case in 2006 where the good samaritan was convicted of hurting the woman he helped.    The judge in the case ruled that 'common sense dictated that only the person who hit her would take her to the hospital'.  This has obviously discouraged people even more.  I think it has caused a 3rd group to form - a group that wouldn't have helped before but after seeing something so horrible has caused them to rethink what they would do if they met a situation such as this one.

I noticed a few things about a news report I watched.  They show the entire video - even the girl being run over.  Then they show the parents of the girl watching the video of their daughter being run over.  Finally the reporter does her stand up at the hospital with the girl (brain dead) in the background.   

Overall this was eye opening for the Chinese.  I'm not sure it will change much but at least it has got them thinking.

In America I really believe we would stop for a little girl, with no parents around, lying in the street. I can't imagine one person walking by her without stopping. 

Shopping on the bridge

Nearly all bridges look like this.  The bridge is used to cross the street and luckily they are all over the place here - it makes crossing the busy streets so much easier.  You can buy just about anything from these vendors - scarves, iPhone covers / cases, wallets, purses, socks, leggings, sweaters, toys, dancing donkeys, baskets, fruit, hair clips, jewelry, even pets.  I've bought a scarf ($1.50), socks (5 pairs for $1.50), 2 jump ropes ($.25), and a sweater ($7).  Good deals but, like most things in China, the quality isn't very good.

I wish I would have asked this guy how much his turtles cost.

We're open!

This is a typical scene when a business opens in China.  I was walking down the street and could see the firecrackers going off so I decided to cross the street instead of walking through the debris.  Chinese people obviously don't care but I'm always scared there will be one that hasn't gone off yet and goes off when I walk on it.   There are always tacky funeral looking flowers outside a new business.  I'm not actually sure what kind of a place it is.  It looks like a spa.

Down the street there were more firecrackers but I'm not sure what they were for.  Maybe a wedding - or maybe because it was Sunday.  During the past couple weeks due to the holiday I've heard firecrackers a lot more than usual.   I've also been very close to them and noticed they don't tell people to get out of the way until after they've already lit them.  Chinese people are so funny.

Chinese gawking

It's not hard to draw a crowd in China.  The Chinese love to stop and stare at anything - or more likely to see what everyone else is staring at.   Sometimes when I see a crowd of people looking at something I wonder if they really know what they're supposed to be looking at.  One day I'm going to stop and stare at something random - like the top of a tree - and see how long it takes for me to draw a crowd.

Today, however, it was a sad scene.  There was a dead body (covered in plastic) in the middle of the street.  There was a bridge nearly over the body so people stopped on the middle to look down and along the stairs on both sides.

It was a big crowd.  A police van was next to the body directing traffic around it. These people were gawking at a body, under a piece of plastic, and a police van.  Nothing was happening, everything else was cleaned up. I assume there was a vehicle of some kind on its way to pick up the body - maybe they wanted to see if they could catch a glimpse of the whole body and not just the hand sticking out from the plastic. Something I've discovered from personal experience is that the Chinese have no shame in their gawking - whether it's at a white person, a black person, or a dead body.

干杯 - gān bēi - cheers!

Drinking is among the many many MANY cultural differences between China and the west.

Women rarely drink.  It's normal for me to drink a bottle of wine with friends but it isn't for Chinese women.  Sometimes in the middle of the day on Mondays I'll go to a cafe with 2 girlfriends and drink a bottle of wine.  (Since I work the weekend this is essentially my Saturday.)  To the girls serving us the wine this is a completely foreign concept and I can feel the strange looks.  I know Chinese girls that drink but it is a very small percentage.  Smoking is even less common.  I've heard Chinese girls say if they are with a Chinese girl that starts smoking they don't want to be with her anymore.  They compared it to being seen with a prostitute.

When men drink they often buy all the beer they're going to drink at the beginning.  It's very common to see a table covered with beers and/or empty bottles.   This feeds into the concept of 'face' and taking pride in what they are able to drink - and losing 'face' if they're not able to keep up with friends and coworkers. 

báijiǔ often accompanies the beer.  It is a white alcohol that is very cheap and incredibly strong.  It is done in shots.  It's disrespectful to turn down a shot and if you don't do the shot you lose face. 

I found an article in China Daily about Chinese drinking. Here's a few quotes I found relevant:
"Drinking can earn trust and friendship, and not drinking can spoil a deal and undermine relationships. Heavy drinking seems to be a prerequisite for doing business," he said.
"To drink or not to drink, that's a matter of face," said Liu Hao, a senior at a university in Beijing. Always embarrassed by his limited tolerance to alcohol, Liu said he often finds himself in a situation where drinking is obligatory.
"Although I don't like the feeling of being sloshed, I respond to toasts, which are popular in campus life now," Liu said. But he said he wished he could hold his liquor better, seeing that many jobs advertisements nowadays demand applicants have a tolerance for alcohol.

Hard to imagine right???  Because of this I've seen more grown men puking on the streets then I care to count or ever wanted to see.  I've lived in Cancun and New Orleans and I see soooo much more throw up here than I did in those 2 cities combined.  It's everywhere in the morning.  On my way to the gym sometimes I count at least 4 piles of throw up - DAILY.  Yes, it's disgusting!  When I first started seeing it I thought people were dumping food.  I did not want to believe it was what it looked like.   I guess just like all the other differences this is something you just have to say 'well I'm in China' and shrug your shoulders.  I'm not here to judge them and their culture - just to learn about it.

Happy National Day!

Today (October 1st) is the National Day of the People's Republic of China.    This day is similar to our Independence Day.  I started the day being jolted awake because of firecrackers being shot off right outside my window.  This continued everywhere throughout the day.

Walking around felt just like it would feel in the states on the 4th of July.  Everyone was carrying the Chinese flag and displaying it outside of businesses. 

I also received a text from Dorothy.