The journey of life....

A year ago today I left on my 'journey'.  While getting my TESOL certificate we played a name game where we had to think of a word to associate with our name to make it easier to remember.  Mine was JOURNEY. 

I read back in my journal from the days leading up to leaving and I didn't have anything to write (my journals are quite full now).   I had no idea what to expect but I knew (err hoped) it was going to be an amazing adventure. 

I didn't realize China would be so different from Western countries.  I didn't know what to think - it was impossible to imagine - but this wasn't exactly it.  Adapting to China has been a huge challenge and not always an enjoyable one.  I'm glad I stuck with it because I think the harder the challenge the better the payoff.

There are habits I've broken and habits I've picked up.  I've learned a lot about myself.  I've surprised myself.  I think in general I go with the flow much better than I ever have.  The language barrier alone is a patience builder.  The cultural differences are endless and aren't for people that can't learn to go with the flow - I learned that pretty quickly and was luckily able to push the thoughts of giving up out of my mind.

The world is much smaller to me now.  I've become friends with people from all over and was surprised to learn that even though we speak the same language we're very different.  I thought I would just learn about China but I've ended up learning so much about England, Africa, Australia, Ireland, South Africa, the Philippines. 

I'm amazed by how much teaching has grown on me.  I don't like everything about it and I'm not sure it's something that could fulfill me enough for years.  But I enjoy the heck out of the kids on most days.  At first I thought the kids were coming to class because their parents made them.  Actually that's mostly true but I've realized it doesn't matter.  I did things as a child because my parents said I had to but that doesn't mean I hated it and didn't get anything from it.  So I have fun with my kids and hope it's contagious- maybe they'll even learn some English. 

Before I left I was looking for a life changing challenge - something more fulfilling.  Work used to be enough but eventually I grew tired of it BEING my life.   I'm sure I got the passion pursuit from my dad.  He was blessed to find his passion on the first try and hasn't looked back for 38 years.  I am still looking.  I don't know what to do with my life.  I thought it would magically become clear while living in China.  It's been a struggle realizing it's even less clear now.  I could do ANYTHING and endless possibilities are overwhelming.  However, instead of dwelling on my lack of direction I've accepted the fact that I might never find one thing that is fulfilling enough for me.  I need to just live life and not worry so much about the future. 

I am still searching for something and someone (when I accomplish the finding someone goal in China it will truly be a miracle) - but in the mean time life is a lot more interesting in a world where I'm amazed by things on a daily basis.  I'm not ready to part with the challenges and surprises of my Chinese life so I've decided to stay.  I am going to continue on this journey that is actually LIFE.  I will continue to teach and learn until I don't want to anymore and then I'll find the next chapter of my life!

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." -Ralph Waldo Emerson