When you're living in a foreign country there are many situations that may cause impatience and annoyance. Everything is different from what you're used to in your home country - from the language to the money to the day to day pace of the country to cultural differences you wouldn't have even thought of. Since I'm not much of a patient / tolerant person back home when I came to China and the newness wore off, my lack of patience was intensified. I believe if you can practice patience in your life happiness can be achieved much easier on a day to day basis - especially in a foreign country.
I often have to remind myself of this quote: “When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.” – Clifton Fadiman
What's ironic is that what bothers me the most about Chinese people is their lack of patience in many situations. While traveling in Sichuan and being surrounded by so many impatient Chinese tourists I realized I have gotten out of the habit of practicing patience and therefore haven't been as happy as I could be.
I often read zenhabits.net. It's a wonderful blog about lots of topics that you can easily apply to your daily life. Not everything applies to me but he has a lot that I can relate to and use in my life. He wrote a post on achieving happiness that I often refer back to when I find myself especially impatient.
He started with the basic assumption: 'that we are all human beings capable of goodness, of love, of pain, of broken hearts and passionate love. That we all have bad days, that inside our jaded exteriors is a person who just wants love.'
The following quote really hit me: '.......we take other people for granted, and we judge others and become irritated with them for almost no good reasons, and we expect everyone to make us happy or at least behave the way we want them to, and if they don’t, our day is ruined. That’s crazy. People are living their own lives, and aren’t trying to please us or act in accordance with our expectations, and once we accept that, we can be happy.' I think this is obvious but something I wish I had realized years ago. It can especially apply to my life in China though. Overall Chinese people are very selfish. They live in a country with 1.3 billion people. Most were raised as an only child. They don't worry or even think about anyone but themselves. So when they leave the toilet a mess, throw garbage on the ground, push to get on the bus, cut in line, talk loudly on their cell phones- I have to remember where I'm living, that I have chosen to live here, and this is the way the people are.
Back to patience and happiness.
Zenhabits recommends these 3 steps:
1. Think “I love you, and I’m thankful for you” to every single person today.
2. Smile at that person, and look them in the eye.
3. If you feel comfortable, say it aloud to that person.
These steps are pretty difficult to follow in China. I have no idea how many people I pass on a daily basis but it's a lot. It's easier to follow in my apartment complex. I usually walk with my head down while they comment that I'm a foreigner or listen to music while they stare at me in the elevator. But looking them in the eye and smiling at them makes them real people again. People that are living their life just as I'm living my life.
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