Recently I got into a discussion on a Xi'an message board about why Chinese guys rarely have foreign girlfriends. Foreign guys never have a problem getting a (or 10) Chinese girl. Since the guys were just speculating because no foreign girls were responding I decided to give them my reasons for not dating Chinese guys. I get many questions about my dating life in China so I thought now was a good time to start explaining why I haven't dated in China. This is my response on the message board:
A guy doesn't need a 6 pack but someone that takes care of himself
would be nice. This is one reason why I prefer not to date Chinese
guys. I miss guys with muscles that work out, eat healthy, don't
smoke and drink till they puke, etc. I know this is a broad
generalization but I haven't met many Chinese guys that care about health and
hygiene. This is definitely important when I'm dating back home. I
wouldn't date a foreign guy that didn't take care of himself either.
As for the other reasons I don't date Chinese guys:
-The movie that was posted earlier made a point of saying Chinese guys
aren't honest. I have found the opposite. In my experience they
have been too honest. A friend reminded me that maybe they are only this
way with foreigners because they think that's what we want. Maybe they
aren't so open with Chinese girls.
-A lot of Chinese guys don't speak very good English - or English at
all. I can only see frustrations coming from this. How can you
really get to know someone? Obviously it happens but I don't see it
happening for me in China.
-I want to get to know someone and not have the pressure of a
relationship right away. But with Chinese guys there is pressure from the
moment you meet them. The last guy I met said (after 'knowing' me for an hour) he wanted to be my boyfriend and his dad was going to like me.
-The biggest reason: I haven't found anyone that could make me see past
the cultural differences - of which there are countless. The girls
seem to be open to change but the guys seem to be more traditional. I don't like the way I've been treated here as a woman and I don't like the way
Chinese women are treated.
This was about as honest as I could get and everyone agreed with me. When I've talked about these reasons with Chinese girls they understand. Not many have said I should try dating a Chinese guy (except when they suggest ways to improve my Chinese). Of course I've met guys that break the stereotypes but that's rare and they still aren't guys I would date.
As for foreign guys, there are actually quite a few of them compared to the number of foreign girls. However, they either came here with their girlfriend or more often they have or want a Chinese girlfriend. That doesn't leave a lot of options for foreign girls but it does happen. There's not much pressure to date and that's actually, sometimes, been a nice change.
2 comments:
I definitely did not expect to end up dating (and now marrying) my Chinese husband.
Granted, I find Asian men very attractive, but for me communication was a big issue.
So it wasn't until my Mandarin was decent enough and I met my future-husband (who's English was very good) before I seriously considered dating.
And now I couldn't be happier :)
So just keep your options opening. China has a way of surprising you!
Hi Kara! I'm so glad you are happy with your Chinese husband. :-) China does have a way of surprising me in other ways, so why not love? hmmm....still hard to believe it could happen. I will definitely think about keeping my options though.
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