The honeymoon phase is over

Let me walk on the sidewalk in peace or AT LEAST say excuse me before you run me over!

Before I departed for my year abroad I was sent a packet of information about what to expect while living abroad.

The last page of the packet describes the feeling of when all our normal cues are completely removed in a new country. 'These signs or cues include the hundreds of ways in which we orient ourselves to the situation of daily life.'  When these are removed it can create feelings of frustration and anxiety.

'Experts suggest that there are four stages of culture shock:
1.  Initial euphoria
2.  Irritability and hostility
3.  Gradual adjustment
4.  Adaptation'

Wikipedia calls the 2nd phase the negotiation phase.  I simply call it the 'This place ANNOYS me phase'.  'After some time (usually three months but sometimes sooner or later, depending on the individual), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. Excitement may eventually give way to unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as one continues to experience unfavorable events that may be perceived as strange and offensive to one's cultural attitude. Language barriers, stark differences in public hygiene, traffic safety, food accessibility and quality may heighten the sense of disconnection from the surroundings.'

Despite many challenges I found that stage 1 for me was euphoric because everything was new and that made the challenges bearable.   I was always trying a new food, saying a new word in Chinese, understanding a new word, taking a picture of something I hadn't seen before, getting excited about a small accomplishment such as buying a bus card or bargaining all in Chinese, etc.  As I hit my 4 month mark in China I've found that stage 2 has hit me - hard on some days.

I could write a huge post on this topic so expect more in the future.  But right now, in addition to the staring I can't get over how pedestrians have no right of way.  I've been in many cities where a majority of the people walk and take public transportation to get around. Xi'an is no exception.    That's why I find it 'funny' that cars / motorbikes / taxi's / buses will not stop for pedestrians that are crossing the street - even if the pedestrians have a walk sign.  Along with this is feeling like I'm on a street when I'm actually on the sidewalk.  Motorbikes and sometimes even cars drive fast on the sidewalks.  They honk and honk until you move out of the way (although not slowing down while they honk).  Or they come speeding towards you. It's virtually impossible to play chicken while a moto is heading straight for you but sometimes that's what I feel like doing.  This is the sideWALK!  We are supposed to be on it, you (Mr Moto) are not.   A car would never do the pedestrian 'go ahead' wave here.  The car is going first - no question about it.

Spitting and going to the bathroom where ever and whenever you please are posts for another time.  The lack of excuse me's, thank you's, and general common courtesy really gets to me on a daily basis.   First off, I'm not saying Chinese people aren't nice.  I firmly believe they are good hearted people.  Chinese people push to get where they need to be, they don't say excuse me, they don't say sorry, they HATE waiting in lines and will cut infront of anyone whenever they want to.  When this happens to me it is nothing personal -they do it to each other.  However, it is still not a nice feeling to experience as a foreigner.  I don't expect them to say excuse me just to make me feel better.  I need to find a place in myself that doesn't get bothered when someone pushes themself in front of me.  I come from a land of 'I'm so sorry' and friendly smiles so I will continue to apologize in their language, when I push, step on a foot, or hit someone with my bag.

“When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.” - Clifton Fadiman

Wise words Mr. Fadiman!

I'm hopeful that my irritability and hostility are fading and I'm moving into phase 3!

A typical Chinese breakfast on the go

Very often this is what I have for breakfast.  It costs about 3RMB (.43USD).

The first step is putting a layer of thin dough on a very hot surface.  The next step is spreading an egg all over the dough.

After that they put on a spicy sauce, green onions, peppers, and garlic.  Then a piece of crunchy fried dough.

It is then rolled up, cut in half, and put into a bag. 

It is meant to be enjoyed directly from the bag.

Do I have something in my teeth??

Do you ever have days when you think everyone is looking at you and you wonder if you have something on your face, or your makeup is smeared, or your hair is out of place?

That's how I feel everyday in China.  Some days I don't notice the staring.  Some days I'm ok with it because the faces are warm and I imagine they're only thinking good things.  Some days I just want to crawl into a hole and I can only imagine they're thinking bad things.  There have been many times when I check to make sure I'm put together and they're not looking at my shirt that's ripped or makeup running down my face (I don't think they would actually notice or care if I had something in my teeth).  So far that hasn't been the case.  It's just that I'm different.

I know I've talked about this before but I've usually talked about it in a positive light.  On days when I really notice it, and I'm not in the best mood, it's hard to think about it so positively.  I've seen a girl almost get hit by a bus because she was looking at me.  Her friend kept trying to tell her to look out but she could only look at me.  When I realized what was happening, that she didn't see the bus and was actually staring at me, I made a big hand motion so she would look the other way.  This happened another time but with a car and a girl.  I kept thinking maybe she thinks I'm looking at her and that's why she's staring at me.  But if you see someone looking in another direction you normally would look in that direction to see what they're looking at.  Both of these girls were too intrigued to care if there was a vehicle speeding towards them.

I will always be different in China.   While I'm living here this isn't going to change. I can let it bother me, I can ignore it, or I can accept it.  I've spent my whole life being virtually the same as everyone else so even on bad days I need to be accepting of the stares.  My journey in China has been living life outside my comfort zone but finding ways to make my new comfort zone.

The Chinese cure all is......

Hot water!  I was home sick one day and someone called to check on me.  Their remedy for my stomach ache was hot water.   Your throat hurts? Drink hot water.  You have cramps? Drink hot water.  A cough?  Hot water.   In one of my classes we were talking about getting rid of hiccups. One student suggested drinking hot water.

I read that it goes back to when they had to always boil their water inorder to drink water.  These days everyone has a water cooler.  And a man drives around with bottles to refill it.  He climbs 7 flights of stairs with ours. 

I have to say though - I am drinking a lot of hot water.  It is everywhere.  The water coolers are in all businesses it seems like, in the school waiting rooms, break rooms, every student at school has a cold or hot water bottle with them.  On break I grab my mug and drink some hot water.  At home I drink hot water.  I like hot drinks and just having hot water, or hot water with honey is somehow satisfying.

Happy Father's Day!

I asked a Chinese person if they celebrate Father's Day.  She said they celebrate if they remember.  I took that as a no.  Of course we celebrate back home in the States and I wish I could be with my father today!

He has always been supportive of everything I've done.  Moving to Los Angeles, moving to China.  Working in television, working as a teacher.   I'm sure he never knows what I'm going to say I'm doing next and I appreciate the fact that he doesn't freak out (at least to my face) and just wants me to be happy.   He has his doctorate in music and has been a teacher / mentor to probably thousands of students over the years.  Music has allowed him to travel the globe and I definitely got the traveling gene.  He never pushed me into music or teaching.  However, I was in music for  a majority of my life and now I'm a teacher. Growing up he had a way of showing me what was important without pushing me into it.

Thanks for being a great dad!  I hope you're having a nice Father's Day!  I miss and love you!

The Chinese version of 'No Smoking'

On May 1st an indoor smoking ban was put into effect.  I never thought they would attempt this in China.  People smoke EVERYWHERE.  Literally EVERYWHERE.  Remember the guy smoking while lighting the firecrackers?  It is also not rare to be in an elevator with a smoker.   It goes without saying that the table next to yours at a restaurant will probably be smoking.  I haven't noticed anything different in any indoor establishments since the ban - not even no smoking signs.

When the ban took effect I was in Beijing.  I ate in one restaurant where they asked if we wanted to sit in the smoking section or the non smoking section.  I haven't been asked that question in years.  It's very possible they've always asked that because the ban is for no smoking indoors not seperating the smokers from the non smokers. 

300 million people smoke in China.  1.2 million people die from smoking-related diseases every year. This is 1/5th of the deaths per year in the entire world. 

I read an article in the China Daily newspaper about the ban and how people were feeling.  Here's a quote:  "My friends will give me strange looks if I refuse to smoke with them," said the 29-year-old. "Besides, distributing cigarettes has become a tradition in many Chinese places, and that can hardly change overnight," he added. 

In China, you can't argue with tradition, even if it's ultimately going to kill you.

A restaurant manager told the newspaper, "We will try stopping customers who smoke in our restaurant, but for those people who refuse to go outside to smoke, to be frank, we can do nothing," she said. 

So the bottom line is yes the ban is in effect, but no one is doing anything to enforce it.   I suppose bringing attention to the problem is a step but what difference does it make if no one tries to stop smoking or enforces the rules? 

A Tale of 2 Chinese Fillings (A trip to the dentist)

Despite what the dentist in Chicago said it turns out I do have a cavity.  How do I know?  My tooth broke.  And I'm in China.  Just what I was trying to avoid.  Luckily another teacher at work has been seeing a dentist that speaks nearly perfect English.  I finally stopped putting it off and went to see him.

It's pretty much what you would expect to find in China. The man that looked at my tooth wasn't the same guy that filled my tooth.  He explained to the cavity filler what I needed.  I didn't get any Novocaine - and yes, there was drilling.  The drilling started to hurt a bit so I told him and he stopped.  I'm not sure if he was finished.  He filled the tooth and said I was done.  I paid 100 of my 300 RMB bill (43USD) and was almost on my way.  Then the English speaking dentist asked if it felt even or if one side was higher than the other.  The side he worked on was totally higher than the other.  So back in the chair.  The dentist came back over and filed it down.  It was just a short procedure this time so he decided he didn't need to put a bib on me or put gloves on.  His hand was only going to be in my mouth for a minute - how dirty could that really be.  Gotta love China.

UPDATE:  My filling came out!  I had to go back to the dentist.  This time they did some more serious drilling - without novocaine -  to make my cavity bigger so the filling would stay in.  The dentist said the pain would be manageable while they were drilling.  That is sure not the attitude of dentists back home.  Usually they say there will be no pain.  But I'm not at home and hopefully this filling stays in because I definitely don't want to go back.

There were a couple differences I noticed but one difference that was interesting was that they don't have one of those suctiony things to put in your mouth while they're working on you.  I had to keep spitting in the little sink.  It was pretty inconvenient.  It doesn't seem like a dentist without them suctioning all your spit out for you.

Safe Sex

I've only seen these signs in one park so I'm wondering if they have a problem there.  Everyone lives with their parents until they get married - or many times even after they get married.  So I know finding a place to spend some time 'alone' is a challenge.  I've heard the karaoke rooms are popular.   In Asian countries you rent a private karaoke room with your friends.  When we've rented a room before it was ours until 6am.  It looks like the park is also a popular place!  Both pictures say the same thing - SEX IS GOOD - JUST PLAY SAFE.  I think the choice of using pigs is an interesting one.

The Chinese don't seem to want to talk about this openly.  The boyfriend of one of our Chinese teachers at school recently moved back to Xi'an.  She is one of the only girls I've met that doesn't live at home with her parents.  She has an apartment with another Chinese teacher.  So I asked her if her boyfriend was also living with them.  I didn't realize at the time but she never answered me, she changed the subject.   I asked her again a few days later because I couldn't remember her answer.  She said I've asked before but she didn't answer.  It is not something they do very often here and she was embarrassed about it.  She was DEFINITELY not mentioning it to her parents.    I didn't even try to bring up sex.

Luckily my friend Vanna who I met while traveling is an open book.  She said there are many girls that want to wait until they're married to lose their virginity.  If they don't wait and they get pregnant abortion is the most popular option. It's taken care of with probably no one else knowing.   The men don't care about waiting till they get married.  

This is just one opinion from the south of China, I'm not saying they all believe this or even the majority. I know it's different everywhere.

My favorite snack

Watermelon seeds!  They are everywhere in China. 

The seed must be soaked or roasted in soy sauce first.  It's salty and a little sweet.  You eat them like sunflower seeds.

This is what the seed inside looks like-

It's not ok to smoke near firecrackers!

The Chinese shoot firecrackers off for every occassion.  Holidays, weddings, birthdays, store openings, hotel openings, building a building, and probably lots of other reasons I don't even know.

I think it's funny / really dangerous because they will shoot them off right in the middle of a busy sidewalk with people walking by, motorbikes driving by (on the sidewalk) and cars driving by on the street (sometimes on the sidewalk).

I was walking by this shop on the way home from the gym and I saw the firecrackers lying on the ground with a man standing next to them (practically ON them) SMOKING.  I got out my camera and when I went to take the picture he was bending down - still with lit cigarette in hand.

SEE!  Cigarette in his hand!

I took the picture and quickly walked away.  About 20 seconds later the firecrackers were going off.  No one said watch out or blocked off the sidewalk.

Maybe this only comes as a shock to me because firecrackers are illegal in most parts of the USA and I grew up in a city.  It seems that most people who shoot firecrackers live near a big open field or in the country so this could never happen in the US.  I haven't heard of any accidents in China but they must happen pretty often.  Rarely does a day go by when I don't hear fire crackers.

Nap time

I love walking around my neighborhood at 'nap time' because people are sleeping everywhere. If they feel tired they pull over their moto and sleep next to a tree:

Or they will sleep IN their rickshaw:

They will even sleep on a newspaper on the ground:

Happy Children's Day!

Today is Children's Day in China!  That means there is no school and there are children EVERYWHERE.   There are activities going on in malls and parks.

My friend and I were walking in the park of the Big Pagoda when this girl came running up and got in front of us.  She was about 8 years old and said 'You two are beautiful.  I wanted to tell you.'    After she said that I was waiting for her mom to run up with a camera but instead she gave us each a hug.  It was the sweetest thing.   This is a gutsy girl.  She knew exactly what to say in English to get her point across and never got a camera out.  I wasn't sure what to make of the whole thing until after she walked away and I realized she had no other motives except to tell us we were beautiful in English and give us a hug.    Pretty awesome and sure made our day.

It's a fun holiday for the kids.  I'm not so sure the parents were having as good of a time as the kids.  The Chinese I've spoken to about Children's Day were very surprised we don't have this in the US.  If I was still a kid I would say of course we should have it!