Do you ever have days when you think everyone is looking at you and you wonder if you have something on your face, or your makeup is smeared, or your hair is out of place?
That's how I feel everyday in China. Some days I don't notice the staring. Some days I'm ok with it because the faces are warm and I imagine they're only thinking good things. Some days I just want to crawl into a hole and I can only imagine they're thinking bad things. There have been many times when I check to make sure I'm put together and they're not looking at my shirt that's ripped or makeup running down my face (I don't think they would actually notice or care if I had something in my teeth). So far that hasn't been the case. It's just that I'm different.
I know I've talked about this before but I've usually talked about it in a positive light. On days when I really notice it, and I'm not in the best mood, it's hard to think about it so positively. I've seen a girl almost get hit by a bus because she was looking at me. Her friend kept trying to tell her to look out but she could only look at me. When I realized what was happening, that she didn't see the bus and was actually staring at me, I made a big hand motion so she would look the other way. This happened another time but with a car and a girl. I kept thinking maybe she thinks I'm looking at her and that's why she's staring at me. But if you see someone looking in another direction you normally would look in that direction to see what they're looking at. Both of these girls were too intrigued to care if there was a vehicle speeding towards them.
I will always be different in China. While I'm living here this isn't going to change. I can let it bother me, I can ignore it, or I can accept it. I've spent my whole life being virtually the same as everyone else so even on bad days I need to be accepting of the stares. My journey in China has been living life outside my comfort zone but finding ways to make my new comfort zone.
3 comments:
Let them get hit by the busses, that'll teach 'em to stare! Haha. I know everybody looks at me too, and I see them from far off, then when they notice me, they tell all their friends around them, "hey look it's a laowai!" and they ALL turn around and look at the same time. No subtlety. It's hard not to look directly at them as I walk by and mean mug them, but sometimes I just stare straight ahead and let them do their thing.
Also I've stopped acknowledging the kids who don't have the guts to say "hello" to my face and only wait until I've passed to try their English out. Screw them if they can't say it to my face.
Yeah I didn't mention the lack of subtlety. I guess that's what sucks too. They don't think about how it makes us feel when they whisper (or talk loudly) and point.
I've stopped that too!! I love when I kid runs to get in front of me to say hello or say something to me in English. I enjoy talking to them. I actually find it's more of the older men that say 'hello' once I've already walked past them.
Joy, you're like a celebrity!
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